Wednesday, 25 April 2018

Friendshipping as an Adult is Hard


Five year old Ambi Bambi, with her long blonde hair and block fringe that won a little princess competition on a camping holiday to Great Yarmouth one year, wouldn't have had a problem making friends. I was a care free child that made pals wherever I went. I had no shame. I would impose myself on other children with a simple 'Hi, my name is Amber, do you want to be my friend?' If only it were that simple as an adult...


I have recently moved to Melton Mowbray, an hour away from home and though it's not exactly far, I barely see my family let alone any friends from my home town. Some long distance friends I can go months without seeing and pick up exactly where we left off with little to no communication in between - low maintenance friendships are very hard to come by and I am lucky to have a few. I'll admit, I am a shit communicator and forget to drop a text now and then with a simple 'how ya doing?' but when a friend is in need I am always there.

Last year I lost touch with my main group of girl friends. Throughout the few years I knew them, I felt like I didn't quite belong because they had all been friends for years and I was the latest addition to the bunch. Although I have some fantastic memories of the times we all shared together, when times got tough I don't think we understood one another.

I was going through a rough time in terms of my mental health; I had just walked away from the first person I truly fell in love with because deep down I knew he didn't feel the same way. And so I went in search for everything he couldn't give me in somebody else (wrong thing to do looking back, but needed at the time). This relationship was so rushed and heavy that it turned toxic and ended with a bang, snapping me into action and making me realise what I had done. During that time I had caused damage to my friendships because I shut them out - deep down I was ashamed of the spiral I had got myself in to and how fast things were moving with a new man and I knew they would judge me for it. But they were still there when it all ended and listened as I tried to piece myself back together.

What broke us was when I got into another relationship, the most stable and loving relationship I have ever been in, my current boyfriend, not that they knew this at the time as it was early days. I was trying to learn from my mistakes and take it slower and keep it under wraps until things got more serious. They knew I was seeing someone and it was more serious than I was letting on and didn't agree with me moving on so soon after all the hurt I'd been through. I won't lie, I have issues with being alone and always have. Maybe they didn't understand that. I ended up being pushed out of the group with some very strong opinions - that they 'wouldn't be there to pick up the pieces when this one ends' and I thought to myself that it wasn't even worth arguing over, I would never speak to a friend that way and would have their back even if I didn't agree with their behaviour. I felt hurt, let down and low at the time.

I do miss having a group of girl friends close by to go on dinner dates, have movie marathons and share make-up and gym tips but I don't miss the drunken nights out that always ended in drama and ensuring that I pay enough attention in the group chat to not be considered ignorant.

-------------------

When I found out my best friend from uni lived in the same town as Stu, my boyfriend, I could not believe my luck! I see her on the regular for games nights, BBQ's and girly date nights. But she's a busy little bee studying for a doctorate so is not always available. Besides, it's good to be sociable and have an extended group of friends and this is something I am trying to rectify. I'd like more friends in my local area that are just a short drive away and would happily welcome me for a quick brew and a chit chat after work. But how to find them?!

I have reached out to some blogging gals in my local area and have met up with one a few times now. She's absolutely lovely and has made me feel a little more content that you can make friends when you reach your mid twenties.

There's also Bumble BFF - an app that was introduced to me by the blogging community as I attended an event recently. If more girls knew about this then it'd be a huge success! I haven't taken the plunge and gone on a 'first friend date' yet but I have been talking to some really nice girls on there and do plan on meeting them in the not so distant future - just making sure I'm not being catfished first - Ha! I will be writing a whole post on this as I would love to raise awareness on this App, it's a fab idea as it makes it easier for women to find others with things in common.

I've also vowed to get back in to a fitness regime as I'm not getting any healthier, or younger for that matter! So I plan on signing up to some classes, going swimming and maybe even joining Slimming World to get myself out there in the local community. When I have a bit more spare cash I'm considering a photography course or a local art group. Just some ideas that may be of interest to you too.

This post has been a long time coming, it's honest and it's raw and it was quite difficult to write the first half of it. I wish making friends at twenty five was as easy as at five years old, though, I have been exploring my options and I am looking forward to making more friends in my adult life.

Can you relate to any of this? How did you become friends with your current gal pals? I would love to know so please leave me a comment below.
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87 comments

  1. What a lovely post Amber!! I tried to comment before but I think my phone hates me because I don't think it would post. Anyway...!! I think everything you've said in this post is SO TRUE!! I have been in the same situation as you, in a friendship group with people who are soo toxic. It was literally like reading about my own life reading this post! I'm now living in a different country to all of my friends. CRAZY. I think you're totally right though, it's all about embracing the opportunities around you and going for it! You'll be surrounded by lovely people in no time! XOX

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  2. One of my closest girl friends and I know each other through mutual hobbies - we are both involved in the music community here and bonded over a shared love of music. Getting involved in the community is a great way to get to know new people!
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  3. I love these kind of posts because they're so honest and really give an insight into struggles that everyone faces and gives a chance for you to give yourself and your readers some really great advice.

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  4. I was just like you when I was younger, full of confidence and able to make friends so quickly, even to the point where I made friends with a Spanish girl on holiday, nether of us being able to speak the same language yet we were inseparable!!! Now it's so much harder, I have a new job and I find it so difficult speaking to people etc!!

    Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there xxx

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  7. Awww bless you. Friendships change, especially with girls - boys seem to just get along but with girls it can get toxic and you need to get yourself the F away from that which you did, so be proud of yourself. So many people would just stay and be a doormat. It's so lovely you finally found a decent guy, and bumble bff sounds amazing, I've only used it for dating so far and it's been absolutely tragic hahaha but a friend version sounds so good! Great, honest post, thanks for sharing!

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